A Song Of Hope

Well??

2010-04-24T20:54:00.001+01:00

Who still reads this? Fess up!! If its no one then I won't bother...

Mish Mash

2009-09-18T10:37:00.005+01:00

I have been told off by Twinny for not updating my blog regularly enough. I think once a month is pretty poor too, so I think I'll just ramble for a little bit...whilst trying to stay POSITIVE about things! No complaining in this blog, thats the rules!

I believe we have finally decided between the Canon 450d and the Canon Powershot G10. We are going for the G10! Mainly because of cost and portability. Hopefully once the G11 comes out, the G10 will go down in price. I'm still a little miffed that you can buy the G10 in the States for £100 less than you can here. It just doesn't make sense! We've saved up enough Amazon vouchers to be able to not have to spend any money on it though, which is absolutely amazing. I can't wait to take pictures of Baby G when s/he is born.

Talking of Baby G (as always!), I'm 32 weeks pregnant today. Woah. That gives me 8 weeks give or take until two become three! The house is slowly getting ready for his/her arrival, but it still has a long way to go including a whole conservatory build and a bathroom refit. Lord help me! I'm so so so thankful that I have amazing friends and family who are always willing to help. My parents pulled out the decking a couple of weeks ago so that the builders wouldn't have to do it and could just get started on the foundations. My sister keeps offering to come over and do whatever she can to help. Our homegroup from church have offered to have a painting party one Wednesday evening instead of having group, so that we can get the living room painted. ♥ Everyone rocks. I'm glad for all the help though, because the bigger I get, the more helpless I'm becoming! Bless my lovely husband for helping me clean and tidy last night, despite the fact that he is working his socks off and not sleeping too well because of me! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Also my family have been awesome with providing us with things for the baby, like a pushchair and moses basket and cot etc etc etc...

Today I'm thinking of working on our personal website, but I'm considering changing the domain name, as it currently uses our surname as part of the URL. Maybe not the wisest of ideas. I may even transfer this blog over to it, or use this blog for something else but I just can't decide! Its taking me long enough to choose a Wordpress theme for it! Mostly its to keep friends and family updated on photos and everything to do with us - whether people will actually visit the site or not? Who knows?

I was sure I had more to write about than this! I have baby brain!!

Early Morning Thoughts

2009-08-21T06:27:00.003+01:00

I haven't blogged since the beginning of July! Shocking! Its a bit of a shame really how my blogging/photo journalling has taken a back seat as of late - maybe I'm just feeling uninspired? All I seem to be thinking about at the moment is the baby/pregnancy and trying to get the house ready for our new arrival. I do miss blogging though. Maybe once I'm on maternity leave (starts Aug 28th!!) I'll get all creative again.

Talking of being creative, last night I met up with some of the girls from church and we got out a load of card making bits and just made some random greetings cards. Maybe thats what has gotten my creative juices flowing! I'm not usually very good with hands-on things like that, I'm much better with a mouse and keyboard. Give me photoshop over glue sticks anyday! But still, I managed to make a passable anniversary card for my brother-in-law and his wife. Sure, I nabbed a few ideas from a good source (hello, Tiny White Daisies!) but at least I can claim that the execution of the project was all mine. Its got me thinking about what kind of birth announcement cards to make. I want to organise that way in advance, but its a little tough when you don't know if you're having a girl or a boy.

See...subject will ALWAYS turn back to Baby G in some way or another! You may have noticed that I'm writing this pretty early. I've been up since 5:30am, not sure why. I think I got woken up by kicks and then I just couldn't get back to sleep again, despite not having gone to bed til 12:40am!! Oops. It's going to be interesting getting through the day today...wow its my last Friday at work!!

Well I might as well make the most of the time I have to get ready this morning, including enjoying a shower which cuts out repeatedly (bring on the new bathroom pleeeeeeeeease!!) and maybe getting to work early?! Shock!!! I shall leave you with my current bump progression. I really should have picked one outfit to showcase Baby G in, but I didn't think that far ahead.

Pesky Critters!

2009-07-09T16:36:00.010+01:00

I woke up the other morning and did what I always do, go downstairs to get breakfast and on the way open the living room curtains and check that my plants haven't all disappeared overnight. Usually everything is as it should be, but the other day it wasn't such good news!

Considering this is how it should have looked:

This is how the other side looked:

I was NOT impressed in the slightest. Look at the poor peg pot all filled with soil. I have to clean all of those now! In fact this was a couple of days ago and I can't even bear the thought of going out there to clean it all up because I know half the compost is going to go down through the cracks in the decking. Bah! So unnecessary. I can't wait until we get the conservatory/extension built. Then i'm going to treat myself to new planters for flowers, considering these were left here when we bought the house two years ago and look a little worse for wear. And well done to those of you who noticed the bizarre cat flap that the container full of flowers is hiding. Its only on the outside and not the inside... weird.

Song of the Moment

2009-06-22T22:32:00.002+01:00

"Eve of the War" by Jeff Wayne from the War of the Worlds musical

How I heard about this song: Dad has loved the War of the Worlds musical by Jeff Wayne since it first came out in the late 70s! If you haven't heard about the War of the Worlds musical, its basically the story by H.G. Wells set to music. We went to see the stage show at the O2 Arena in London and it was AWESOME.

Why I like this song: Because it reminds me of my childhood and I just love it.

Info on the artist and album: http://www.thewaroftheworlds.com/

Best Estate Ever!

2009-06-18T13:39:00.003+01:00

Whoever thought that a new estate in South Woodham Ferrers should have roads named after characters and places from Lord of the Rings is a genius.

View Larger Map

I want to live there! Mostly in "Rivendell Vale". How cool would that address be?!
I'm a geek. And I know it.

Thankfulness, Again

2009-06-17T22:22:00.003+01:00

I'm having a bit of a downer day today with very little motivation and a high dislike for anything work related. But of course, I am still determined that my blog should not become a vent for all that is blah, so I shall yet again write a list of things I am thankful for.

♥ I am thankful for Twinny, who has been online during work hours the past week and has kept me sane...literally.

♥ I am thankful for the internet, for which I would not have met some amazing people and learnt so much. (I've just noticed I was thankful for this exact thing the last time! - I think I'm just loving the babycentre boards and the awesome blogs I get to read...)

♥ I am thankful for the roof over my head. We are so blessed to have a house, and I must be grateful even though there is stuff everywhere and DIY projects unfinished.

♥ I am thankful for the beautiful little baby currently growing in me, and thankful that technology means that I get to see Baby G wriggling away on a scan screen - totally amazing.

♥ I am thankful for my husband, who has been incredibly supportive, especially through all my complaining!! ♥ ♥

What are you thankful for?

Song of the Moment

2009-06-16T21:54:00.003+01:00

"Open Sky" by Iona

How I heard about this song: My parents bought the album a looooong time ago and I borrowed it for also a very looooong time. Haha! This is the song that inspired the name of my blog and my very first post on it. If you want to hear my fave bit without listening to the whole song, skip ahead to 3:08. I love the virbrato in her voice.

Why I like this song: Because its beautiful, and it calms me and I want to have a voice like Joanne Hogg.

Info on the artist and album: This song is on the album "Open Sky" by Iona. The whole album is pretty much perfect.

Decisions Decisions

2009-06-13T11:46:00.005+01:00

Back in April I posted about my technology cravings which included the Canon 450d. We've been diligently saving our Amazon vouchers in order to make such a camera purchase by the time baby comes along. I would love nothing more than to be a prosumer photographer for our little one. However, costing it up it looks like its going to cost a lot of money. The body only is over £400, then there's lenses and a bag and all the other stuff that comes along with it. I reckon it could come close to £1000 knowing us and wanting the best of the best. We really can't afford that now in my opinion, and so we talked to my brother-in-law about it as he is a wedding photographer himself and he has a Canon 5D for his pro-shots. He was saying that he would get a Canon Powershot G10 which is £358 on Amazon.

So...the decision is between a DSLR, the Canon 450D oooooooorrrrr a prosumer point-and-shout, the Canon Powershot G10...

Argh I just can't decide! There are pros and cons to both. The G10 would be much easier to carry around and about, especially when going to the park with Baby or something. But the 450D has a lot more scope for doing interesting things with it, and getting interesting lenses. But then would we really use all the features the 450D has to offer? I don't think we would. I don't know! I need some opinions...like right now!

Photo Envy

2009-06-08T08:42:00.002+01:00

Just recently, I have been feeling a fair bit of photo envy. Not many of you will know the story of our wedding photos, and why I have reason to be envious. The short version of the story is that we had a not-quite-so-professional do our wedding photos and we have regretted it ever since. We were shown the photos, on a slideshow and then in one of those cheap books by Photobox and we had so many discussions with the photographer afterwards. Basically half of them just weren't flattering, so he hadn't taken enough shots to get that perfect one, and the post-processing on them was awful. Thankfully hubby's brother is a photographer and he did some post-processing work on them and they look a thousand times better, but they still aren't exactly what we wanted. Its not like we can do it all over again...

When we went over to F&F's (hubby's brother et sister-in-law) the other day, he showed us an album he had put together for a wedding he did a month or so ago. It was beautiful. And I was so envious.

Recently Becka and Nate from Studio222Photography have been posting a lot more on their blog and I absolutely adore their photography. If they had been running their business when we got married back in Sept 2007 (were they? I don't know...) then I would have paid ANYTHING to have them be our wedding photographers. I am envious.

We only had one wedding day, and it was a perfect day. I just feel like the fact that the photography wasn't exactly how we wanted it has marred it a little.

I still love this picture though...one of those captured moments...

I had an excuse...

2009-05-25T09:42:00.003+01:00

I realise I haven't blogged in a fairly long while. Perhaps no one even reads this anymore who knows, but I still like to keep this blog for my own reasons.

And this is the reason I haven't blogged...

That is the first 13 week scan of the baby I'm currently growing inside of me. We found out back in March that we are expecting our first baby and ever since then, everything has got very hectic in trying to get the house sorted as we don't currently have the space for a new little one! The "Nasa Space Station" (our pet name for the office) will be demoted (or promoted?) from the second bedroom to a new conservatory/extension built on the back of the house and the second bedroom can once again be made into a bedroom. Hurray!

So the past few months have been taken up with trying to get my head around knowing that I'll be a mummy by November, which is a fairly scary prospect. I've also been struggling a little bit health wise, as obviously I had literally only been on vitamin D supplements for just under a month before I became pregnant so my body has been trying to figure out what on earth is going on. I've also been told that some of my thyroid tablets are not suitable during pregnancy so I've been put on new ones. Essshk! Needless to say I've been a little tired and grouchy. Now that I'm 15 weeks pregnant, things are starting to settle.

The other major thing that happened in my life is that my grandad passed away at the end of April. We're all still trying to come to terms with it, because he wasn't particularly old and it was very much not expected. Life throws these things at you once in a while doesn't it.

So I'm hoping to blog a lot more in the future. The "Song of the Week" is likely to be sporadic still...less song of the week, more "Song of the Moment". In fact I may just change the name to that so I don't have to post quite so religiously.

Song of the Moment

2009-04-09T23:03:00.005+01:00

"How He Loves Us" by Kim Walker

How I heard about this song: I think someone sent the link to hubby or something. We listen to it while we're in the office on our computers. SUCH a great song.

Why I like this song: The emotion behind it, the TRUTH behind it!

Info on the artist and album: This song is on the album "We Cry Out" by Kim Walker. She has an amazing range.

Technology Cravings...

2009-04-09T22:28:00.007+01:00

Well here I am again! I know its been a month since I last posted but I have my reasons. And as this is a blog primarily for me rather than my adoring fans (*silence*) then I really shouldn't be apologising about it! So there!

I have been having some recent technology cravings. Mostly for this:

Oh man, I want the Canon 450d soooooo much. SO much. We're saving up our Amazon vouchers for one but I don't know if we'll hit the target soon enough for my liking! We have about £150 of vouchers so far. Considering the 450d is over £400 for body only then...hmmmm...not entirely sure its going to happen. If only people would sign up with our Freebies Website!!! Do people really not realise how easy it is?

Second technology craving is this:

I just wish that the iPod Classic came in all the awesome colours that the Nano does. I could do with a bit of colour in my life at the moment! However, I'm willing to sacrifice the cuteness and brightness of a Nano for the amount of space (120GB, hello!!) on a Classic. Plus I'm less likely to sit on it and crush it to little pieces!

Plus, I can't WAIT til this comes out in June:

I completely realise that this makes me a very geeky person, but I really don't care! :D :D :D Ok i'm done, now to think about song of the week...or the month should I say!!

Song of the Moment

2009-03-06T07:11:00.006Z

"Jump" by Van Halen

Van Halen - Jump
Uploaded by hushhush112

How I heard about this song: I *think* I've just grown up knowing this song. Who hasn't? Well, I guess only people with rock loving fathers will have known this song.

Why I like this song: See my post on "My Happy Song", that pretty much sums it up. Haha, I love his long blonde hair in the vid, and the outfit! Classic.

Info on the artist and album: Van Halen ROCK. So there.

Is Anybody Out There?

2009-03-04T23:10:00.003Z

Its funny to think that so many people read my blog. I wonder why you guys read it? Or who you are? How you found me? What you think about my ramblings? I know my mum reads my blog because I gave her the link and she said that she read my blog to find out more about how my hospital appointment went. I wonder if she got anything new out of it, haha.

So why don't you comment already? Go on, I dares ya! Now my Twinny has gone to Australia for 2 months I'll be commentless...

And to give this post a bit of substance rather than just nonsense, on the health front I'm feeling much less achy than I was. It's still there, but its no where near as bad. However, I'm having other adverse reactions to my tablets. I have to now make the decision as to whether I go back to the GP who misdiagnosed me, or wait until I've managed to register with the new one. I'm thinking the latter. I really don't want to go back to those nincompoops in my old doctors surgery.

Song of the Moment

2009-02-26T21:37:00.004Z

"Black Velvet" by Alannah Myles

How I heard about this song: This song is in memoriam of my twin, who absolutely loves to sing this song and rocks at it. She's going to Australia for 2 months next week so I know she'll appreciate this! I first heard this song sometime while I was at university.

Why I like this song: I mostly love this song because I LOVE to sing it. I love the rhythm of it too.

Info on the artist and album: Alannah Myles (she's a Canadian dontcha know) is still around and doing pretty well for herself I should imagine. She recently released an album called...wait for it..."Black Velvet". How original. But I'm sure its good. It has this song on it, possibly an enhanced version?

The ACTUAL Diagnosis

2009-02-23T18:03:00.004Z

In my previous post (the one that wasn't Song of the Week...) I wrote the following:

Monday is THE hospital appointment where I find out my results... fibromyalgia? Vitamin D deficiency? Coeliac disease? All will soon be revealed! And I can't wait, although I'm a little nervy about it all. You know, each of those results will change things for me completely one way or the other. Right now I'm in limbo.

I went to see my doctor in London today. Firstly, man was that journey exhausting! It took the majority of the day in travelling and I didn't realise how many stairs there were on the underground and at train stations. All of that for literally a 2 minute appointment!

The results are in, and he told me that... *drum roll* ... I have a vitamin D deficiency. My levels are really really low, and that is what is causing the pain. He said he's seen some people with this issue that can barely walk because of it. So I guess I've caught it quite early! I'm now starting on some Vit D supplements and I'll go back in 6-8 weeks and he said I should be feeling loads better by then. Apparently the deficiency is caused by a bad diet and lack of exposure to the sun. So hubby and I are going to start juicing again and really focus on our fruit/veg intake and reduce our cake/chocolate intake and perhaps manage to book a holiday for Easter? Yes please!!

I am SO happy with that diagnosis. Amazing, praise God! etc etc. It was the diagnosis I was hoping for as it is the one easiest to fix! YAY!!! However, I am NOT happy with my GP. When I first went to see them after the aching began, I was told there was nothing wrong with me and to come back in 4 weeks if it still hurt. Shortly after this, I saw this article on the BBC News website and so went back to my GP to ask them to check my vitamin D levels. She practically refused to do the blood test, saying that last time I was tested she checked for something (I can't remember what she said) and that if I had low vit D it would have shown in that result. When I spoke to my rheumatologist in London about that, he said "that's a load of bollocks" (his actual words!!). My GP then proceeded to tell me that the aches were hormonal, and to take Evening Primrose Oil and just get on with it. (!!!) I went down the whole fibromyalgia route thinking it was what I had because I didn't know any better. The symptoms fit, and no one could seem to find anything wrong with me, until now!

I am so thankful for the opportunity to see one of the top rheumatologists in the country, and I will spread the word to people on the fibro-forum I used to visit just on the off-chance that someone might have the same experience as me.

So watch this space for a much much healthier me, I CANNOT WAIT!!

Song of the Moment

2009-02-21T14:31:00.003Z

"Everything" by Lifehouse - and with a meaning...

How I heard about this video: This time its less about the song and more about the video. Of course its an awesome song, and I've been listening to Lifehouse for a very long time. But eventually, this video started doing the rounds on Facebook and it touched my heart so much that I want every one to see it.

Why I like this video: Because this one video sums up my life so far. It makes me cry every time.

Info on the artist and album: The song is by Lifehouse, and I have NO idea what album its on, I can't find it!

Random Mish-Mash

2009-02-20T12:42:00.005Z

I need to post my "Song of the Week" but I can't bear to do it right above the last Song of the Week, so I guess I better post something! (Plus Twinny told me to, and what she says goes I guess!)

This has been a very strange week for me. I started the week feeling pretty good actually, healthwise. Which is a rare but wonderful occurrence. So I managed to make it into work and get lots done, come home and make dinner, do the ironing, watch some TV with hubby etc etc. I was a bit of a whirlwind.

Now? Not so much. I'm off work again. It seems I have made the same age old mistake of doing too much on my good days. I guess I ran out of spoons.

However, putting a brave/positive face on! Monday is THE hospital appointment where I find out my results... fibromyalgia? Vitamin D deficiency? Coeliac disease? All will soon be revealed! And I can't wait, although I'm a little nervy about it all. You know, each of those results will change things for me completely one way or the other. Right now I'm in limbo.

In other news, I had my haircut. Wow, what a girly blog this is turning out to be. Health and haircuts. The excitement! This was a big step for me though because I got brave and said to my hairstylist, "I need something DIFFERENT". So she cut me in a fringe (bangs), as its THE hairstyle for 2009 don't ya know? I have had SO many compliments from people at work about it. Even people I barely know are walking past and saying "have you had your hair done? It looks great! You look younger!" Which is a great thing, and great for the confidence levels. Maybe thats why I've been doing well this week? Hm, who knows.

In other other news, the weekend with my twin has been and gone. It feels like SO long ago, and I do miss her. She's flying off to Oz in a couple of weeks and I'm going to miss her...despite her being so far away already! Haha. The weekend ROCKED. Unfortunately I was not as well as I would have liked to be but we managed a shopping trip, and quick visit to the freezing cold beach, a trip to the zoo and cake decorating. Amongst other things like watching Stardust, one of my favourite movies. So to end this random mish-mash of a post...behold the TIGERS from the zoo.

Song of the Moment

2009-02-14T11:54:00.003Z

"Love You More" by Racoon

How I heard about this song: I was watching music TV at my sisters house in Rotterdam, Holland and heard this and instantly loved it.

Why I like this song: Its just such a beautiful love song, about how love just keeps getting stronger. I love the acoustic guitarness feel of it too.

Info on the artist and album: Racoon are a dutch band who you are unlikely to have heard of unless you listen to European MTV or something like that. Maybe they'll find their way to the UK and the US someday? This song comes from the album "Another Day".

This is my prayer in the desert...

2009-02-09T21:27:00.004Z

I've been feeling very low today. About both my job and my health. Mostly about my job to be honest, but I wanted to talk about my health.

I've been ill most of the time since I was 12 years old, and so it is inevitable that at 24 years old I'm starting to get a little weary of it. Understatement of the year. I'm desperate to be well again, and sometimes I get a little frustrated at God over the whole thing. I KNOW he can heal me, but I just don't know why he hasn't yet. Maybe I'm to learn something from this whole experience. I think part of it is to learn how to put my trust and get my strength from Him rather than try and find it in myself. Because I certainly don't have it! I was thinking about it in the car on the way home from work whilst listening to "This is Our God" by Hillsong. The following song came on, and it really encouraged me.

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

The line "you hold my world in Your hands" really reminded me that I have nothing to fear in life, and that God will use me and work in me even though my body is suffering. I need to trust Him fully, rather than just half-attempt to trust Him!

Another song on this album, which is my absolute favourite (sung by Brooke Fraser, see Song of the Week a couple of weeks ago!) is "Desert Song".

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

NO weapon formed against me shall remain. Nothing to fear. Isn't that a great thing! I'm so thankful for being brought into the place I am in now, and I really want to grow in Him and learn so much more.

Song of the Moment

2009-02-06T23:15:00.003Z

"Alone" by Heart

How I heard about this song: Wow I can't even remember how I found out about this song but I remember it was at university and I used to sing it at the top of my lungs in my bedroom. I'm sure it would drive my housemates mad. Now, instead, I sing along to it on Singstar with my twinny and we ROCK it.

Why I like this song: Because it ROCKS! Is that a good enough reason? I think so! There's just so much power behind it, and its soooo 80s it's fabulous!

Info on the artist and album: Heart aren't around anymore. But I bet you can find this on any Rock Ballads album there is!

Snow Day!

2009-02-02T15:21:00.007Z

The Snow Day - with "Let it Snow" by Frank Sinatra

Isn't it amazing how the UK sees a scrap of snow and EVERYONE is excited about it and the country comes to a standstill? OK mostly England, Wales & Ireland, the Scots have pretty much got it down. All the schools in my area have shut, people haven't made it into work (myself included) and the silly rubbish men haven't come to collect my rubbish. How dare they! Yet in countries such as Canada, for a good example, they deal with this kind of thing x1000 and they seem to manage alright! I mean come on, our roads weren't even gritted. They KNEW this cold front would be coming in from Russia yet we still weren't prepared for it. In London, ALL the buses were stopped this morning. Thats something like 8000 buses. Yeah, seriously. There were also disruptions on the London Underground.......hello?? Its under.ground. ?!?!

Still, it looks pretty and everything, and means I didn't have to go to work this morning, even though I still have to work from home. It literally hasn't stopped snowing all day. That is so unusual for here. I made the above video out of boredom and just as a reminder I guess? See if you can spot my new car (the black one) and the crazy snowman my neighbours just made.

Song of the Moment

2009-01-29T16:16:00.006Z

"Disappear" by Hoobastank

HOOBASTANK - DISAPPEAR
by huntylch

How I heard about this song: I think I originally heard "The Reason" by Hoobastank from a compilation album way back in the day, and liked it so I decided to buy their album. Little did I realise that the rest of the album would kick "The Reason"'s ass!

Why I like this song: They bring so many awesome aspects together in this song. How the intro continues to play even though it doesn't run in the same vein as the melody. Plus the double vocals. I love that. And then when they really kick in...there's a lot of emotion there. Ok, I'm an emo. I admit it! Plus I guess I love the line "Do you know that everytime you're near, everybody else seems far away". I love that feeling. ♥

Info on the artist and album: This song is from the album "The Reason" but they have recently brought out a new album which I hope to get soon, titled "For(n)ever"

Keys Keys Keys

2009-01-28T15:45:00.003Z

This may seem a bit random (but hey, that's just me...) but I always remember when I was a kid thinking why my parents had SO many keys! I really often wondered if I'd ever have that many keys. I remember being given my first key to my parents house and thinking, wow I have my own keys now! Which is pretty sad for a kid who collected keyrings... So anyhow. Today I realised that I do own a lot of keys.

There's my car key, two keys for my front door, one for the back door, two for my parents house, one for my pedestal drawer under my desk at work (dispite the fact that the lock is now broken as they broke into my pedestal while I was off sick), two keys for my drawer in the filing cabinet at work and my work fob.

On a completely different note, I really missed my nan today. She passed away when I was 9. I think it's either because I've been feeling poorly recently, and she was always a great comfort to me. Or because all the shops are selling easter eggs already, and it was at easter that she died. I miss her. She was a wonderful lady. She made the BEST mince and dumplings. And she had a tin of miniature mars bars & milky ways that she kept on top of the fridge. Aaah I hope I see her again one day...

Looking Forward

2009-01-25T09:44:00.005Z

A few things in the next couple of months that I am looking forward to...

♥ Season 5 of LOST starts toniiiiiiiiiight!

♥ Joining the worship team at church, even though I'm proper nervous about it.

♥ Getting the DIY done downstairs, including finishing the kitchen, decorating the hallway and the downstairs WC. New floor and everything. I'll have to take piccatures.

♥ Twinny coming to stay!!! We're going to do lots of singing and mucking around. I wanna decorate another cake but we're both trying to lose weight. Boooooooo. But it's gunna be fun!

♥ Seeing Russell Peters at the London O2 on Valentine's Day, woo!

♥ The Sims 3 (PC Game) being realeased on the 20th Feb. Hurray! It's geeky but I don't caaaare!

P.S. New song up on Twins That Sing

Photography Musings

2009-01-24T00:18:00.015Z

Wow, blogging three days in a ROW, what a novelty! (I've just noticed though, because its 12:40am it counts as Saturday and not Friday, oh well!)

I've been perusing the "blogs of note" on blogger, and wondering what makes a blog...of note. Note-worthy. I wonder. I noticed that a lot of the aforementioned blogs contained pictures. And I also noticed that a lot of my favourite blogs that I read contain photos. Which just goes to show, that a picture is worth a thousand words. Which then led me to think what a shame it is that I don't take pictures any more.

I used to take pictures of EVERYTHING. I used to do "a day in my life", which is a community on Livejournal dedicated to posts and posts of a day in people's lives, photographically. I've only ever done one, but I've started many more. Then either got bored or embarrassed of the little life things I was taking pictures of. I guess part of that comes from my dad saying "what on earth are you doing?!" when I was taking a picture of my dinner one time. Ha. Oh well. I definitely miss photography though, but I'm REALLY not getting on well with my camera. I had a Canon Powershot G3 at one time, and sold it to buy a Fujifilm Finepix F30. Bad move. Yes, its handy having a smaller camera. But no, it does not take the same quality of photos as my Canon did. It's just a shame and I desperately want a Canon EOS 450d (Rebel XSi to the Americans!) and I'm hoping maybe a millionnaire might come across this post and think "hey, I'll buy her one!".....maybe? You can hope right?

I also used to take a lot of photos of myself. Self portraits. But then I stopped. Self confidence issues. I tried to do the whole 365 thing on Flickr, a self portrait per day, but who was I kidding? I think back to things like Christmas and New Year and think, why didn't I take more pictures?! Gah! In fact I didn't take any.

I really feel like its something I want to persue again...if only I could afford (or justify spending the money on) a much better camera. I shall end this by posting a couple of my favourite photos from the past, that I have taken.

Song of the Moment

2009-01-22T20:53:00.003Z

"Good Enough" by Evanescence

How I heard about this song: I have been an Evanescence fan since they began, and heard this song on their second album. I played it over and over and over and over and over...and many a time did I accidentally strain my voice by attempting to sing this song with a little too much gusto in my car...

Why I like this song: Firstly, the intro. It is so beautiful! But then I'm a fan of both piano solos and violins (the latter I used to play back in my childhood). It just holds so much passion and pain in this song. And I guess the insecure side of me can really relate to the words, about not feeling good enough.

Info on the artist and album: Evanescence are so awesome, the whole album must be heard really! This song is on "The Open Door".

Thankfulness

2009-01-21T17:52:00.006Z

I fully intended on writing a blog about how lousy I feel with my health, how absolutely exhausted I am and how rubbish work is at the moment. But then I decided that it would be boring to read, and it wouldn't help me AT all. So instead, I'm going to write a few things I am thankful for.

♥ I am thankful for my lovely husband, who does his best to understand me.

♥ I am thankful for my family, who love me unconditionally and would move the world for me.

♥ I am thankful for the internet, there are so many people I wouldn't have met if it hadn't have existed - including my spiritual twin!

♥ I am thankful that I have a roof over my head, and its a fairly nice roof I may add!

♥ I am thankful that I have a job, as in this economy nothing is certain for some people but I have the luxury of feeling safe.

♥ I am thankful for creativity - great movies that have come from people's imaginations, beautiful songs that flow from the soul.

♥ And finally, I am thankful for a God who loves me unconditionally, even when I don't feel too close, I know he is always there.

What are you thankful for?

Edit: I just saw "Yes Man" at the cinema and it was fantastic, you gotta see it! I also changed my blog layout, I wanted something more colourful and pretty. Well actually I was going for something wider for the content but it didn't happen. Let me know what you think!

Song of the Moment

2009-01-15T18:23:00.007Z

I have decided, as part of my blog-habit makeover, to post a song that I absolutely love every week. Partly so that I can look back and remember all of the songs that I fell in love with, and partly to share songs that I think are inspirational with others. So here goes.

"Albertine" - by Brooke Fraser

How I heard about this song: Brooke Fraser was at the Hillsong Colour Conference in London last year, as part of the worship team. She was absolutely amazing! Recently a friend of mine sent me a worship song that she sung (that will more than likely feature in another of these posts!) and I just ADORE her voice. So I got her new album, "Albertine", and this is my absolute favourite.

Why I like this song: Because it has true and deep meaning. Albertine is a girl who Brooke met while she was in Rwanda, and its all about Brooke wanting to spread the word in the rest of the world at the pain and suffering that is going on in Rwanda. Its about raising awareness, and caring for the rest of the world. Unlike Lily Allen's new song which is about materialism, money and living for yourself.

Info on the artist and album: Brooke Fraser's website should give you all the info you need. It even has the lyrics for this song. My favourite line being "Faith without deeds is dead". This track is found on her album "Albertine".

A Good Morning

2009-01-15T08:37:00.004Z

I stayed at my sisters house so that it would be quicker this morning to get to the hospital. It was strange sleeping alone as I'm used to saying to someone else, "turn over, you're snoring!".

I woke up to a kiss on the cheek from my 5 year old nephew. We then discussed deep and meaningful things such as the fact that he'd rather be a squirrel than a boy so that he didn't have to go to school. I said squirrels don't get to play on the computer or the Wii, and he almost changed his mind until we discussed whether Nintendo made squirrel-friendly Wiis...

I had the BEST shower, mostly because ours is crap so anything else is awesome in comparison. And my sisters new hairdryer, that I bought her for Christmas consequently, is brilliant so I think I may have to get one for myself.

After hospital we're going to "Cane & Able", a cleverly named shop that sells walking sticks and the like. I hope they have colourful walking sticks. I need a bit of colour in my life.

Edit: I just taught my 2 year old nephew how to say "blog". I wonder if he'll ever write his own blog one day...

Time to Think

2009-01-14T19:31:00.005Z

I haven't blogged for a while. That's just the way life goes. Sometimes you have your moments, other times you just...don't. So recently hasn't really been my moment. I think the rest of life kind of got in the way, and I don't mind that at all.

Christmas and New Year were fun. They disappeared into a blur of spending time with our two families and have now faded into mere memories. Good ones. My darling husband bought me a microphone stand, so I will be doing some singing soon I hope!

For the past two days I have been in and out of hospital. First was an appointment to see the rheumatologist. Second was a bone profile scan with a bit of radioactive injection and a lot of laying still. 30 mins of being scanned whilst you have to lay completely still gives you some time to think about some things! Tomorrow I will be going back for a bone density scan. I'm seeing one of the top rheumatologists in the country, so I feel like I'm finally getting somewhere.

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Well, the above feels like a bit of just a boring update. Including a partial apology for not blogging, which is ridiculous as this is MY blog (so there!!) - I was just reading Megan's blog and she was talking about how blogging has turned into some kind of...I don't know what word to give it. So i'm just going to quote her instead, i'm sure she won't mind...

Why do people blog? People don't blog for themselves... that's called journaling. You know, with a pen filling up pages that nobody else reads until you're dead. People blog because they want other people to read what they write and find it interesting and valuable.

It's so true, how a lot of people seek affirmation (that's the word I was looking for!!) from others from what they write. I don't want this blog to be like that. Oh by all means, feel free to comment. It's nice when people are interested in my life. But I do want this blog to be for me, and to feel compelled to write in it, not for affirmation but for release.

At the moment it feels like I'm going into a completely new stage in life. Things are changing, and fairly rapidly. I think back to this time last year, and even two years ago and think wow, how things have changed! Challenges are going to be faced very soon. I'm not sure how I'll cope with them. But what I want to focus on is how to lean on God through all these challenges.

I've been asked to sing at my friend's wedding in October. WOW!! I feel so privileged, even to be asked! They want me as backing vocals for the worship, and then possibly lead vocals for one of the songs, and maybe a song whilst the register is being signed. I'm so nervous about it! But I really want to conquer my fears - the big fear of "what do people think of me?!". I don't want that to hold me back anymore. So yes, I will be singing. ARGH!

Right, I've decided. I want to do a 101 in 1001. (For those of you who don't know, that's 101 goals to meet/things to do in 1001 days...) I'm hoping to think of 101 things, and I shall be using friends lists as inspiration! And looking deep within me to see what I REALLY want in life.

How to live a balanced life...

2008-12-19T22:45:00.003Z

How do you live a balanced life? I'm not entirely sure to be honest. I feel like I can't fit everything into life that I need to. Owning a home, which is mid-DIY, keeping everything tidy, keeping the house clean, washing my clothes, washing my husbands clothes, ironing said clothes, cooking healthy (pah!) meals every evening, recreation time, relationship time, church meeting time, shopping, organising Christmas, entertaining, educating oneself with educating books, reading books that are just plain fun, making 130 wedding invites (cus I said I would...grrrr) AND working full time.

Is it me or does that sound like a lot? How am I supposed to do ALL of those things successfully? I sit at work and feel like working is wasting my time. I could be at home doing all this other stuff. The ironing pile is ridiculously high. I mean RIDICULOUSLY. I guess its the thing I ignore the most. The DIY still isn't finished so I have an un-finished kitchen still. There's just stuff everywhere. How we're supposed to run a fully fledged I.T business out of a small bedroom is beyond me.

I think I can safely say I am overwhelmed. Adding to the fact that my health is an obstacle... gosh. Help?

A Song of Hope....and fun!!

2008-12-17T22:47:00.003Z

My twin (in-spirit) and I have made a new blog called "Twins That Sing". We've discovered we both have a passion for singing, and have therefore made a blog showcasing the songs we have recorded so far. Rhona has only been doing it for the past week and is still waiting on a new mic. I'm still getting to grasps with my voice and my recording software!

Well, anyhow, if you'd like to take a look, the link is here...

TWINS THAT SING

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff - Perfectionism is NOT cool

2008-12-02T16:36:00.003Z

Make Peace with Imperfection

"I've yet to meet an absolute perfectionist whose life was filled with inner peace. The need for perfection and the desire for inner tranquility conflict with each other. Whenever we are attached to having something a certain way, better than it already is, we are, almost by definition, engaged in a losing battle. Rather than being content and grateful for what we have, we are focused on what's wrong with something and our need to fix it. When we are zeroed in on what's wrong, it implies that we are dissatisfied, discontent...

...This strategy has nothing to do with ceasing to do your very best but with being overly attached and focused on what's wrong with life. It's about realising that while there's always a better way to do something, this doesn't mean that you can't enjoy and appreciate the way things already are.

The solution here is to catch yourself when you fall into your habit of insisting that things should be other than they are. Gently remind yourself that life is okay the way it is, right now. As you begin to eliminate your need for perfection in all areas of your life, you'll begin to discover the perfection in life itself."

From "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all Small Stuff" by Richard Carlson

I really relate to this. I've always striven for perfection and never met it. So I really need to remember this. Life will be just great, even if things aren't perfect.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff - Thought Management

2008-12-02T10:26:00.003Z

Be Aware of the Snowball Effect of Your Thinking

"A powerful technique for becoming more peaceful is to be aware of how quickly your negative and insecure thinking can spiral out of control. Have you ever noticed how uptight you feel when you're caught up in your thinking? And to top it off, the more absorbed you get in the details of whatever is upsetting you, the worse you feel. One thought leads to another, and yet another, until at some point, you become incredibly agitated...
...it's impossible to feel peaceful with your head full of concerns and annoyances.

The solution is to notice what's happening in your head before your thoughts have a chance to build any momentum. The sooner you catch yourself in the act of building your mental snowball, the easier it is to stop...
...You may indeed be a busy person, but remember that filling your head with thoughts of how overwhelmed you are only exacerbates the problem by making you feel even more stressed than you already do. Try this simple little exercise the next time you begin to obsess on your schedule. You'll be amazed at home effective it can be."

From "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...and it's all Small Stuff" by Richard Carlson

Addicted to Black

2008-11-19T14:29:00.008Z

So today, whilst off work, I decided to try and find some kind of decent outfit for the Christmas party. Ironic eh? Off work sick, thinking I'd quite like to NOT ever go back to work, yet I'm picking out an outfit for the work Christmas do. Hmmm. I digress...

Whilst surfing some of my favourite clothing websites, I saw a pair of skinny jeans in black in the TALL section. For £10. Pretty much a miracle my friends. When you have legs like a giraffe, its kinda impossible to find jeans or trousers for less than £40. Plus I already have skinny jeans in dark blue, so I think black ones is a good addition to my wardrobe (which needs serious work by the way).

Then on the same site, I came across a black belted top that I just love. And which I hope would look good on me because I have a small waist and a tum that could do with disguising every now and then.

Then I think to myself, what would look good with black skinny jeans? Why, black calf boots of course! Flat ones preferably because of my lack of co-ordination in walking in anything but trainers at the moment.

So I have black boots, black top, and black skinny jeans. Noticing a theme here? I can't help it!! People keep telling me to wear more colourful stuff...

Can someone please tell me that it's a massive faux par to wear all black? Or else, figure out some way I can colourfully accessorise this? I like black stuff too much!! I don't claim to have a clue how to dress myself really.

My Happy Song

2008-11-13T14:44:00.005Z

In my opinion, EVERYONE should have at least one "Happy Song". Thats the song that when you hear, no matter how you're feeling, no matter what kind of day you've had; it just makes you feel...happy!

One of mine is "Jump" by Van Halen. And no, I don't think I could ever even begin to explain why. It has no link to any previous memory or anything. Its just my happy song. ♥ And it makes me bop!

"I get up, and nothing gets me down.
You got it tough. I've seen the toughest around.
And I know, baby, just how you feel.
You've got to roll with the punches to get to whats real..."

Whats your happy song?

The Working Diagnosis

2008-11-08T22:48:00.003Z

About a month ago, I was (almost) diagnosed with fibromyalgia. It wasn't an official diagnosis, I have to go see some kind of specialist for that. I guess it has been a slow onset. Thinking back I can remember times whilst at university experiencing similar pains as I have now, just with less severity. Its been so good to get a diagnosis, especially as it explains a lot of the other 'ailments' I've been suffering with over the past 4 years. It makes me feel a little less crazy!

The only thing with fibromyalgia is that it is considered, by the medical profession, to be "uncurable". I'm really struggling with that label hanging over my head. Knowing that when the doctors look at me, they say to me "you'll just have to deal with this the best you can for the rest of your life.....". I don't believe that. I refuse to believe that. Why? Because I believe in a loving and powerful God. The Bible says, he forgives all our sins and heals ALL our diseases. (Psalm 103:3) That includes fibromyalgia. God created me, and knows every intricate part of how my body works.

I can't imagine how it must feel to have this illness and not to have the hope of Christ, and the hope of healing. In fact, imagine going through any difficulty in life and not having that hope?! Wow. I guess I've never really thought about it that clearly before. Imagine going into the current economical climate thinking "I could lose my house, or my job!". Imagine not having the mindset of "God has a plan and a purpose for me".

I need to remind myself every day that God sees me. He sees my pain, and how I have to try and cope with this. But it does make me wonder...for what purpose? I'm looking forward to being able to look back on these years and think to myself, aha! That is why I went through all of it. Don't you just wish you could zoom out and see the bigger picture? Maybe then life would lose its sense of adventure.

For now, I continue to pray for healing. And I'm trying to learn to just have faith in my God. Even though it's difficult, it is better to have hope than to have none at all.

A Beginning

2008-11-07T18:55:00.000Z

"A song of hope that's come my way
And turns me 'round to face the sky
The rhythm of this world, the gift of life
The essence that can never die

By a river crystal bright
There's a tree where waters flow
Leaves that fall for our healing
Scattered on the world below
Where angels dance
And the people sing"

This is the beginning of something new for me. Excuse me while I find my feet. My journal name was inspired by the song "Open Sky" by Iona. This song is so beautiful. Yet so vague! The lyrics just seem to hint at something, rather than give the whole story away. I love that. Maybe I'll start writing my own lyrics sometime. I can be as vague as I like, clearly!

In fact, this journal will more than likely be full of vague, airy-fairy-ness. But thats the way I like it. And its how my head somehow manages to clear itself of all the clutter. So welcome to the journal, pull up a chair beside the fire - it is autumn after all - and relax. There will be no ranting, no complaining, but perhaps some questioning and wondering...