Wednesday, 19 November 2008

Addicted to Black

So today, whilst off work, I decided to try and find some kind of decent outfit for the Christmas party. Ironic eh? Off work sick, thinking I'd quite like to NOT ever go back to work, yet I'm picking out an outfit for the work Christmas do. Hmmm. I digress...

Whilst surfing some of my favourite clothing websites, I saw a pair of skinny jeans in black in the TALL section. For £10. Pretty much a miracle my friends. When you have legs like a giraffe, its kinda impossible to find jeans or trousers for less than £40. Plus I already have skinny jeans in dark blue, so I think black ones is a good addition to my wardrobe (which needs serious work by the way).

Then on the same site, I came across a black belted top that I just love. And which I hope would look good on me because I have a small waist and a tum that could do with disguising every now and then.

Then I think to myself, what would look good with black skinny jeans? Why, black calf boots of course! Flat ones preferably because of my lack of co-ordination in walking in anything but trainers at the moment.

So I have black boots, black top, and black skinny jeans. Noticing a theme here? I can't help it!! People keep telling me to wear more colourful stuff...

Can someone please tell me that it's a massive faux par to wear all black? Or else, figure out some way I can colourfully accessorise this? I like black stuff too much!! I don't claim to have a clue how to dress myself really.

Thursday, 13 November 2008

My Happy Song

In my opinion, EVERYONE should have at least one "Happy Song". Thats the song that when you hear, no matter how you're feeling, no matter what kind of day you've had; it just makes you feel...happy!

One of mine is "Jump" by Van Halen. And no, I don't think I could ever even begin to explain why. It has no link to any previous memory or anything. Its just my happy song. ♥ And it makes me bop!

"I get up, and nothing gets me down.
You got it tough. I've seen the toughest around.
And I know, baby, just how you feel.
You've got to roll with the punches to get to whats real..."

Whats your happy song?

Saturday, 8 November 2008

The Working Diagnosis

About a month ago, I was (almost) diagnosed with fibromyalgia. It wasn't an official diagnosis, I have to go see some kind of specialist for that. I guess it has been a slow onset. Thinking back I can remember times whilst at university experiencing similar pains as I have now, just with less severity. Its been so good to get a diagnosis, especially as it explains a lot of the other 'ailments' I've been suffering with over the past 4 years. It makes me feel a little less crazy!

The only thing with fibromyalgia is that it is considered, by the medical profession, to be "uncurable". I'm really struggling with that label hanging over my head. Knowing that when the doctors look at me, they say to me "you'll just have to deal with this the best you can for the rest of your life.....". I don't believe that. I refuse to believe that. Why? Because I believe in a loving and powerful God. The Bible says, he forgives all our sins and heals ALL our diseases. (Psalm 103:3) That includes fibromyalgia. God created me, and knows every intricate part of how my body works.

I can't imagine how it must feel to have this illness and not to have the hope of Christ, and the hope of healing. In fact, imagine going through any difficulty in life and not having that hope?! Wow. I guess I've never really thought about it that clearly before. Imagine going into the current economical climate thinking "I could lose my house, or my job!". Imagine not having the mindset of "God has a plan and a purpose for me".

I need to remind myself every day that God sees me. He sees my pain, and how I have to try and cope with this. But it does make me wonder...for what purpose? I'm looking forward to being able to look back on these years and think to myself, aha! That is why I went through all of it. Don't you just wish you could zoom out and see the bigger picture? Maybe then life would lose its sense of adventure.

For now, I continue to pray for healing. And I'm trying to learn to just have faith in my God. Even though it's difficult, it is better to have hope than to have none at all.

Friday, 7 November 2008

A Beginning

"A song of hope that's come my way
And turns me 'round to face the sky
The rhythm of this world, the gift of life
The essence that can never die

By a river crystal bright
There's a tree where waters flow
Leaves that fall for our healing
Scattered on the world below
Where angels dance
And the people sing"

This is the beginning of something new for me. Excuse me while I find my feet. My journal name was inspired by the song "Open Sky" by Iona. This song is so beautiful. Yet so vague! The lyrics just seem to hint at something, rather than give the whole story away. I love that. Maybe I'll start writing my own lyrics sometime. I can be as vague as I like, clearly!

In fact, this journal will more than likely be full of vague, airy-fairy-ness. But thats the way I like it. And its how my head somehow manages to clear itself of all the clutter. So welcome to the journal, pull up a chair beside the fire - it is autumn after all - and relax. There will be no ranting, no complaining, but perhaps some questioning and wondering...

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