Song of the Moment

"Everything" by Lifehouse - and with a meaning...

How I heard about this video: This time its less about the song and more about the video. Of course its an awesome song, and I've been listening to Lifehouse for a very long time. But eventually, this video started doing the rounds on Facebook and it touched my heart so much that I want every one to see it.

Why I like this video: Because this one video sums up my life so far. It makes me cry every time.

Info on the artist and album: The song is by Lifehouse, and I have NO idea what album its on, I can't find it!

This is my prayer in the desert...

I've been feeling very low today. About both my job and my health. Mostly about my job to be honest, but I wanted to talk about my health.

I've been ill most of the time since I was 12 years old, and so it is inevitable that at 24 years old I'm starting to get a little weary of it. Understatement of the year. I'm desperate to be well again, and sometimes I get a little frustrated at God over the whole thing. I KNOW he can heal me, but I just don't know why he hasn't yet. Maybe I'm to learn something from this whole experience. I think part of it is to learn how to put my trust and get my strength from Him rather than try and find it in myself. Because I certainly don't have it! I was thinking about it in the car on the way home from work whilst listening to "This is Our God" by Hillsong. The following song came on, and it really encouraged me.

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

The line "you hold my world in Your hands" really reminded me that I have nothing to fear in life, and that God will use me and work in me even though my body is suffering. I need to trust Him fully, rather than just half-attempt to trust Him!

Another song on this album, which is my absolute favourite (sung by Brooke Fraser, see Song of the Week a couple of weeks ago!) is "Desert Song".

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

NO weapon formed against me shall remain. Nothing to fear. Isn't that a great thing! I'm so thankful for being brought into the place I am in now, and I really want to grow in Him and learn so much more.

The Working Diagnosis

About a month ago, I was (almost) diagnosed with fibromyalgia. It wasn't an official diagnosis, I have to go see some kind of specialist for that. I guess it has been a slow onset. Thinking back I can remember times whilst at university experiencing similar pains as I have now, just with less severity. Its been so good to get a diagnosis, especially as it explains a lot of the other 'ailments' I've been suffering with over the past 4 years. It makes me feel a little less crazy!

The only thing with fibromyalgia is that it is considered, by the medical profession, to be "uncurable". I'm really struggling with that label hanging over my head. Knowing that when the doctors look at me, they say to me "you'll just have to deal with this the best you can for the rest of your life.....". I don't believe that. I refuse to believe that. Why? Because I believe in a loving and powerful God. The Bible says, he forgives all our sins and heals ALL our diseases. (Psalm 103:3) That includes fibromyalgia. God created me, and knows every intricate part of how my body works.

I can't imagine how it must feel to have this illness and not to have the hope of Christ, and the hope of healing. In fact, imagine going through any difficulty in life and not having that hope?! Wow. I guess I've never really thought about it that clearly before. Imagine going into the current economical climate thinking "I could lose my house, or my job!". Imagine not having the mindset of "God has a plan and a purpose for me".

I need to remind myself every day that God sees me. He sees my pain, and how I have to try and cope with this. But it does make me wonder...for what purpose? I'm looking forward to being able to look back on these years and think to myself, aha! That is why I went through all of it. Don't you just wish you could zoom out and see the bigger picture? Maybe then life would lose its sense of adventure.

For now, I continue to pray for healing. And I'm trying to learn to just have faith in my God. Even though it's difficult, it is better to have hope than to have none at all.